


i don't need another reason to die or to live

by Taoniri



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 2 PoV, Akaashi is meantioned but not really there, Angst, M/M, Why Did I Write This?, letter format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 06:15:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17038289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taoniri/pseuds/Taoniri
Summary: the thoughts Bokuto had in his head, again and again, were the only thing left in his mind after what happened, but he can not bear them anymoreorletter to Akaashi that Bokuto will never be able to send or to write





	i don't need another reason to die or to live

**Author's Note:**

> The whole story is from Bokuto's perspective and he is talking to Akaashi
> 
> This is kinda an experiment writing

You knew, when I was there alone, in the silent corner of my room, you came and cradled me, until the nightmares left me and I could sleep. 

You will never know how much you really meant to me.

And, you know, when I didn’t think I can move on when I thought that my stamina, my body has betrayed me, you were there. You silently made me grow, you made me strike better, you made me work harder. Even without a single word. 

One time I had a really difficult period in my life and I thought that there was no point in going on, that if I will be gone everybody will be better off. I didn’t show up to practice then, I couldn’t bear looking at myself. I didn’t want to see myself. My arms, my veins itched. You came to me then, and gently hugged me, and when you stroked my hair I felt so warm. I remember I trembled into your arms, I tried not to talk because I didn’t want you to go. I remember that you told me then that it will be alright, and you whispered me that you will be with me, that whenever I will struggle like this you will come, that I don’t need to lock myself up. I remember I snapped because of that and even though I tried, I could not stop myself from crying. I was a mess. I looked disgusting, I felt like shit.

But you still were there to me. You drew the most beautiful patterns on my hands. And you told me that when I feel like pressing the sharp to my hands again, I should draw it instead. 

And I did. And when I did I always remembered you. I remember how you smiled softly at me, how you brushed my checks and when you softly kissed my forehead. It was so soothing. 

You know, you made me want to carry on, despite everything that has ever happened to me, or anything that possibly could happen. 

 

But now I see your image through the deep black water.

 

Akaashi. I love you. I loved you and I always will. 

But now that you are gone I can’t move on. I don’t want to, without you. 

I am sorry. I am so sorry. 

I am a horrible person, I am a horrible partner, I am a horrible boyfriend. 

I hope that I will see you one day again. But your soul is in paradise, and I am going to hell.   
I am sorry that I broke my promise to you. 

I love you.


End file.
